The Tao of Gaming

Boardgames and lesser pursuits

Secret Tapes!

I’ve discovered secret tapes of the Battlestar Galactica’s executive producers discussing what to do to wrap up BSG. Needless to say, they contain spoilers.

Scene: Writers room, neat.

JR WRITER #1: So, ya’ll should tell us what your plan is.

RONALD MOORE: Plan?

DAVID EICK: What Plan?

WRITER #2: You told everyone you had a plan for the show.

W#1: You even opened with “And they have a plan” in most credits.

MOORE: The Cylons have a plan silly, not us.

EICK: We’re not Cylons…

MOORE: You didn’t seriously believe what a producer says to get money out of other people, do you?

EICK: … I mean, we’ve already revealed all twelve models…

MOORE: Anyway, David and I will work it out.

Scene: Same room, destroyed. Littered take out and empty booze bottles abound.

MOORE: We could reveal more Cylons. That’s always worked in the past?

EICK: Did you even hear what I told the other writers?

MOORE: Uh, sure. OK.

EICK: I know! It could all be a dream!

MOORE: I think that’s been done before.

EICK: Hm. We could just end it with some big explosions, then a peace, then more explosions. Lots of minor characters die, then the main characters live happily ever after.

MOORE: Where will this happen?

EICK: On Earth! They’ll get to our Earth! After the end of Season 4.0, that will be a big twist. Nobody will see it coming.

MOORE: (Quietly) Everyone and their dog will see it coming. (Normal Voice) We pretty much have to do that. But happily ever after? We’ll never win critical acclaim if everything is happy….

EICK: Right! … So we’ll have Roslin die. She’s been dying for the entire show, so we call it foreshadowing.

MOORE: Good!

EICK (On a roll): And … we can insert flashbacks about scenes to make everything seem fated! Ooh. Spooky.

MOORE: You mean like LOST does all the time?

EICK: Oh, nobody watches that anymore.

MOORE (Rolling eyes): Whatever. And the loose ends?

EICK: What loose ends?

MOORE: Well, the Baltar and Gaius hallucinations, for one thing.

EICK: Oh.

Show clock moving ahead 6 hours.

MOORE: I’ve got it! This is the SciFi Channel, so they should be ANGELS.

EICK: What?

MOORE: Well, America is divided into those that believe in Aliens and those that believe in Angels

EICK: Yeah, but our viewers are pretty much Alienists.

MOORE: That’s what makes it shocking! Vaguely insulting! Edgy!

EICK: I like it! So the Caprica that only Baltar sees?

MOORE: Angel!

EICK: And the Baltar …

MOORE: Angel!

EICK: Starbuck?

MOORE: (Pausing) Angel! We never said how many Angels there can be! Woo-hoo!

EICK (Getting into the spirit): And then they can jump forward in time and the Angels can discuss how we’re fucking up our new planet, and technology is dangerous and evil.

MOORE: Goodbye Vancouver, Hello LA!

EICK: And then the Angels can say they should talk to the Pope!

MOORE (Suddenly Sober): What?

EICK: Well, they are angels…

MOORE (Shaking head): Well, never get invited to LA with that. What if they say something cryptic like “God doesn’t like to be called that name.” Then they could be referring to the Pope, but it sounds all pagan-y.

EICK (mulling it over): I suppose.

MOORE: Trust me, chicks dig that ‘spiritual, but not religious’ crap.

EICK: OK!

TRANSCRIPT ENDS.

 

Lets just say that personally, I hope that’s what happened. The ending is more annoying intellectually than emotionally, and Moore & Eck can claim that they’ve been playing up the, uh, angle they used since the first episode (true enough), but still. There were a few things I really liked about the last episode. But I’m glad it’s over. I may watch the Plan. Caprica? Probably not.

I also have a secret tape of Alan Moore after he snuck out to see Watchmen, but it’s just several hours of laughter and “I told them so.” Not a bad flick, per se …

So, what do your secret tapes tell you?

Update: Apologies to David Eick for misspelling his name.

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Written by taogaming

March 22, 2009 at 10:12 am

3 Responses

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  1. My secret tapes told me your secret tapes are crap.

    However, the voices in my head say that the voices in your head are spot on, so it’s all good.

    Larry Levy

    March 22, 2009 at 12:40 pm

  2. I think I’m glad I bailed on BSG at the beginning of Season 3.

    As for the Watchmen, I’d be pleased if Zach Snyder was the cinematographer on every comic book adaptation ever made. There’s no way he should be allowed within 50 feet of the script or the actual director. I can tell he wanted to do an earnest adaptation, and that served him well part of the time. He got into trouble when he thought “gee, let’s make this fight scene cooler with an extended scene and slow motion, or have the costumed heroes pull some amazing impossible to do stunts while breaking someone’s neck” or “let’s pointlessly switch around and add stuff in the final few scenes so we can show some more asskicking”.

    frunk

    March 25, 2009 at 9:25 am

  3. I think I’m glad I bailed on BSG at the beginning of Season 3.

    As for the Watchmen, I’d be pleased if Zach Snyder was the cinematographer on every comic book adaptation ever made. There’s no way he should be allowed within 50 feet of the script or the actual director. I can tell he wanted to do an earnest adaptation, and that served him well part of the time. He got into trouble when he thought “gee, let’s make this fight scene cooler with an extended scene and slow motion, or have the costumed heroes pull some amazing impossible to do stunts while breaking someone’s neck” or “let’s pointlessly switch around and add stuff in the final few scenes so we can show some more asskicking”.

    frunk

    March 25, 2009 at 9:25 am


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